Every citizen who hates America is supposed to be watching the current Republican Potemkin village of a convention, whereby we are assured that the party is in the hands of moderate Republicans and compassionate conservatives (last spotted four years ago and mysteriously absent since then). I have been as unsuccessful at this as I was with being glued to the Olympics.

However, there have been a few brighter moments: Wonkette’s RNC scavenger hunt (show me a photo of African Americans at the convention), an NYT reporter who managed to successfully report on a closed-door rally for the religious right where we presumably get more of the real scoop, the discovery (courtesy of a celebrity pain-killer addict) of a new source for the no-so-swift boat vets’ money, Dennis Hastert pressed into service as a delusional attack dog (I thought that was Dick Cheney’s job), and the RNC diary of a strip-club waitress. Compared to this, Michael Moore seems positively statesmanlike.

I checked, and the laws in New York are the same as they are here: someone needs to be missing for a full 48 hours before the authorities will take any action to help determine their whereabouts or their fate. So we can start hunting for all the usual GOP suspects about… now.

I hope you’re all registered to vote, or have secured absentee ballots if you’re going to be somewhere else.