I'm sure someone will need this at some point....sharing may be fun, but stuff like this is very UNfun.
Here is a hack to quit, then relaunch your standalone application. I suppose it could be used for Max, too.
This has methods for both Mac and Windows. The Mac version uses applescript and the shell external. The Windows version uses the java class DOShack to launch a bat file.
It's ugly but it works. Even if you are not familiar with using .bat files or applescript, there's pretty decent explanations in this patch.
I needed to do this to make a testing application for our midi controllers at Livid. Since Max doesn't refresh the ports when you plug/unplug a USB MIDI device, the testing app standalone I made has to quit then restart every time I plug in a new controller. Pretty irritating for the testers, so I cooked this up to save some hassle.